About Susan Packard

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So far Susan Packard has created 54 entries.

The Tell

Professional poker players will say that winning is not all about odds and probabilities. If you’re playing at the top of your game it’s about reading others, watching their physical mannerisms which “tell” if they have good cards, or not. The tell is body language which conveys something about your opponent. When Oprah Winfrey interviewed disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong after he was banned for doping, a body language expert reviewed Armstrong’s performance and said he betrayed his fear by looking away from Oprah rather than looking her in the eye, and he kept taking deep breaths and swallowing hard, signs of nervousness and anxiety. He also wrung his hands, a sign of someone under pressure.

If you walk into a negotiating session and your opponent is leaning back in his chair with his feet up on his desk, he’s telling you he has the power. He’s Alpha Dog. Don’t let it throw you. Politely press on. Sometimes that Y chromosome can take up the whole room if you let it.

There can be a lot of theater that goes on in negotiations which can really add some fun and spice to the game.

Perhaps the strangest example of the tell I experienced was with a good guy in the business, who I was just getting to know. We had some deal work before us. When I first walked in to his office, he stood and I realized he was quite short for a man, perhaps 5 foot 4 inches or 5 foot 5. I always wore heels in negotiations to give my puny, 5 foot 2 inch frame some stature.

We moved into his conference room together, and as soon as I sat he seemed to relax. He did a lot of the negotiating standing and walking around. After a couple of sessions, I noticed that his overall demeanor toward me was far more accommodating when he was able to look down at me. The next session, I wore flats, testing a theory I had about the whole dynamic. Sure enough, when I walked into his office to greet him, he stood, clearly comfortable, and we had the most productive session in our history together. He sat the whole time we worked and we comfortably exchanged volleys. What game was he playing? My game was: make money. Who knows what his was? I’m a business person, not a psychologist. The next couple of times I wore flats and the scoreboard lit up big for HGTV.

The tell can be things you least expect. Women are great observers, and it helps us to be good in uncovering them.
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By |October 18th, 2013|Gamesmanship, Leadership, Negotiation, Women in business|0 Comments

A Lifetime of Learning

When I was studying Advertising in grad school many years back, there was also a married couple in the program. I’ll call them “The Couple” because I can’t recall their names. They were nice enough, but it sure seemed they had no social life outside of themselves and school. I had no problem having a social life outside of school, if you get my drift.

When we were close to graduating, the class began interviewing for jobs. The Couple was always a step or two ahead of the rest of us in getting the interviews, and certainly in getting job offers. One day, they were replaying for us a more challenging interview they had (who knows, maybe they interviewed as a package). But no problem, they aced it. The ad agency person interviewing had asked if they knew what the Dow Jones represented, and what the current Dow Jones average was that day. “1,200” one of The Couple replied with a smug smile. The Dow? WTF?

The Couple actually helped me a great deal. I had had no finance or accounting classes in undergrad or grad school, so I went home that day and learned about the Dow and other indices in case it came up in my interviews. It never did, but I used that knowledge in my business career.

There are many things we have no clue about coming out of school, and we can panic when we face them on the job. That’s why “on the job” means “on the job learning” too. You can learn anything if you’re not afraid to ask for help, and not afraid of the focus it takes to keep your brain engaged in continuous learning. When I became chief operating officer at HGTV, I sat with my CFO, Jim Clayton, quite often to understand what the various financial statements meant, and why this knowledge was important to our company and to our shareholders. I wasn’t ready to handle all of the financial responsibilities when I took the job, but I trusted my network of colleagues to aid me in getting me there. I asked for help.

In Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayer’s 2013 memoir “My Beloved World”, she said one of the most important things she ever did was to ask for help when she needed it, and to develop mentors along the way who could keep teaching her. We may not be sitting on the Bench, but we sit at our desks and are called upon to add value. To keep advancing, be willing to learn new things, and to ask for help as you’re learning them.

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By |September 26th, 2013|Career development, Learning, Mentoring, Women in business|0 Comments

Fun and Games at the Airport

Airport regulations regarding what you can carry on a plane have changed so many times I can’t keep track. They’ve made it a little easier with the 3-1-1 rules. Gels and liquids under 3 oz? Check. Are they in a one-quart plastic bag? Check. Do you have just one bag? Check. (Thus, 3-1-1). Have you taken them out of your luggage and placed them separately on the cart? Sometimes. At my tiny home airport of Knoxville, they’re usually pretty homey and I don’t have to worry about such…details. But lately — whew! There must be a new crop of airport police because now there are no loopholes.

Last week I rolled the dice again, not bothering to take my one-quart bag out of my carry-on before putting the suitcase on the cart. As my suitcase went through, I saw the bag review agent lean in at her screen. Everything stopped and she called her supervisor over. People in my security line glared at me, and I couldn’t blame them. The supervisor was a very large man, sweating profusely as he huffed toward me gripping my bag from both ends like it was emitting toxic fumes. “Is this your bag?” he snarled. I knew then my deodorant and toothpaste were toast.

You see, I adhere to all the 3-1-1 rules except for my deodorant and toothpaste. They’re over the 3 oz. limit and I’ve always gotten them through. But I knew this guy meant business, which was when I went into dumb blond mode (a challenge, since I’m a brunette).

“Is there anything in here that’s going to pick me or hurt me??” he asked, fuming now as he zipped open the suitcase. “Oh no, of course not,” I said meekly with a sweet smile. “This bag has to come out of your suitcase to be run through—that’s what the agents were telling you if you’d listened when you approached security!”

This was not going well. He stomped back with my one-quart bag and put it through the cart again. When it exited, he grabbed it and stormed over to me again and unzipped it. “You have two items over 3.0 oz.!” At this point he was apoplectic.

“Well sir,” I chirped through batted lashes, “I didn’t know that roll on deodorants were liquid or gel.” I figured my toothpaste was history, but just maybe I could salvage my deodorant.

The stare down ensued, my sweet smile challenging his ferocious scowl. Finally: “I’m taking the toothpaste. Next time downsize your deodorant. ” Yes! This was a win. But, the truth is, airport games are not that much fun.
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By |August 16th, 2013|Gamesmanship|0 Comments

Girls and Games

As I moved up in companies I saw what great gamers men were. It’s how they thought. They viewed work as just another playing field, with men and women running around on it. It was one grand competition. I swear every morning, before they even put their feet on the floor they were thinking: who dies today? Maybe I’m overstating that a little bit, but not by much. For women, we’re at an extreme disadvantage against men if we can’t figure out how to compete against them to win.

The trouble is, our current generation of women didn’t get all the wisdom wrapped up in playing games, as men did. That’s changing now due to Title Nine, but for most of us, we didn’t learn how repetitions of winning and losing could help us as we grew into adulthood. Instead, we grew up role-playing with our Barbies, and talking.

We did a lot of talking. Still do. A Boston Consulting Group study revealed that women talk about 20,000 words a day, and men about 7,000. Whew, that’s a lot of sentence structure for our brains to be engaged in every day. Meanwhile, men are over in their offices thinking about the next conquest.

Are we really less competitive than men? I don’t believe that. I wasn’t, and my competitive nature–which I enthusiastically embraced–was one way I advanced into senior roles. But for many women I’ve met and mentored, they’re generally uncomfortable expressing their competitive spirits outwardly. We’re great at self-mastery, which is competing against ourselves to do our best work, but others? That involves beating them, which could mean confrontation and most certainly means another person losing. Women are filled with compassion, and winning requires dispassion.

How can we fix this? I’m working on a book about this very thing. Business game-playing is easy to learn, if you’re willing to practice. That’s what my book’s about, showing you how to be a great gamer so you can advance in your career.

And no, I’m not trying to make women become more like men. It’s like learning a new language. Once you learn, say, French, it doesn’t mean you lose your ability to speak English. The same goes with gamesmanship. It’s just a new skill set that makes the workplace richer for you.

Because let’s face it: Barbie can’t help us now.
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By |July 24th, 2013|Advocacy for women, Career development, Leadership|0 Comments

Jungle Jimmy

My husband Bill agreed to be a stay-at-home dad for practical reasons: I was making more money than his teaching job afforded, and we wanted one parent home. Then the fun began.

We had settled into his being at home with our son Drew when the letter came, which I opened. It was from Drew’s school, Sacred Heart, and it informed us that “Andrew Packard has 14 tardies and this will go on his permanent record.”

“What the heck Bill???” I asked in my kind and understanding way. Drew was in kindergarten, and Bill didn’t know there were different rules for kindergarten vs. preschool. He was just hanging around in the morning with Drew, two guys in their underwear watching cartoons until they felt like heading to kindergarten.

Much of the stay-at-home parenting didn’t come naturally to Bill, but I don’t know that it comes naturally to all women either. It definitely requires a great sense of humor. When Drew got to high school, all sophomores were required to give a chapel talk. Bill and I sat in the audience, anxiously wondering what our child would say. He started out with this: “My mom wears the pants in the family, while my dad wears the dress.” I was horrified for Bill. I slowly turned to look at him, and he leaned over and whispered, “If I did it’d be a little black one.” This kind of self-effacing humor was key to how he handled his role. The rest of the speech regaled Bill, so it all came out in the wash.

Speaking of which, over the years I found Bill in the laundry room a lot. I guess he felt doing laundry was good therapy. One time I offered to take over the chore and I washed Drew’s cell phone. Who knew to look in pockets? He fired me after that. I was not meant to be a stay- at home- mom, for too many reasons to recount in a small blog. Kids pose very tough questions that I wouldn’t have had to wisdom to address, like when Drew asked Bill how conjoined twins rode a bike, or after getting the sex talk at school, Drew asked “if it could get stuck in there.” I’m really glad I didn’t have to be on the receiving end of those questions.

There were times I would come home and Bill was just worn out. It wasn’t easy, like it isn’t easy for women either. He lost his temper plenty of times. And yet, there are moments when I witness the love these two guys share, and it takes my breath away. Drew’s now a college pitcher and he still asks Bill to toss with him, and Bill trudges out there with two pairs of glasses because “it’s coming so fast I don’t want to break my nose.” But he gladly goes. They share something pretty special.

I know many women wrestle with taking an off-ramp from career to home parenting, because I’ve mentored many of them. All of life is choices. Know yourself well enough before you make them. Involve your spouse in this decision. Maybe the role makes more sense for him. It’s happening a lot more frequently today than you may realize.

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By |June 21st, 2013|Learning, Parenting, Relationships|1 Comment

Likeability

In Sheryl Sandberg’s book, Lean In, she devotes a chapter to the negative bias people express toward successful women. She cites a Columbia Business School experiment where students were divided into two groups, and shown identical profiles of a successful entrepreneur. One was named Heidi, and one was named Howard. The feedback on Howard was that he was appealing; the feedback on Heidi was that she was selfish and not the type of person you would want to hire or work for. (pgs. 39-40)

This was on my mind as I read a recent Harvard Business Review blog. Take a look at this illustration in the blog:

chart

The HBR did a one-year research study that tracked chatter on the web about these women; sentiment toward them, and the intensity of that sentiment. The results: none of these women were liked, as the chart describes. Sandberg comes closest, but she also has the most people who dislike her passionately (hate). I might understand the sentiment about Mayer, given the recent news about Yahoo cancelling its telecommuting benefit for employees. But Sandberg and Slaughter? Sandberg is trying to help marshal a national conversation around women’s advancement. Slaughter’s points of view are different from Sandberg, but she, too, is engaging all of us in a dialog around balance in one’s work life and one’s home life. They have the platform to do it–which is rare for a woman–and they are taking action. Do we dislike anyone who acts to change our norms, or is our dislike reserved for women doing this? It really troubles me.

It especially troubles me because in a world top-heavy with men in senior management today, likeability is a foundational requirement for most women to make it into the senior ranks. Men network their way with other men into senior roles; women need to be liked. It’s unfair, but it’s true. In my upcoming book I’ve devoted a chapter to discussion and paths toward likeability. The topic may sound trite, but not so if you’re a woman aspiring to run an organization someday.

I can only hope that the reason Mayer, Sandberg and Slaughter were disliked is because they stand for change, and change makes many people uncomfortable. It’s less troubling than being disliked because you’re a woman who stands for change.

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The Earth is Crammed With Heaven

I was recently given a book by my friend Angela. It has beautiful sayings and illustrations. I came across one from Elizabeth Barrett Browning that really struck me: “The earth is crammed with heaven.” This saying got me very excited about the retreat that I am co-moderating at St. Mary’s Retreat House with my friend Susan Leonard on the weekend of June 14.

Who is our retreat for and what is it about? It’s for women who are at a reflective point in their lives. We are wondering how we should spend the most precious gift we have—time—at this life stage. I left the corporate world almost three years ago, in my mid 50’s, because something new was calling me. I didn’t know what that was, but I knew I needed a life change. We can be fresh out of school, mid-career, or tending to grandkids, and we ask the same questions: What is my purpose? What is my destiny? Through exercises, group discussion, and quiet reflection, Susan and I hope to get us all a little closer to that truth.

Since I’ve left corporate America I have seen how the earth is indeed, crammed with heaven. I’ve met many new friends, especially female friends, who have enriched my life. I’ve done new work in non-profit and for-profit. I am writing a book, something I’ve wanted to do since I was 16 years old.

When my husband and I were newly married about a million years ago, we travelled to New Zealand. We befriended a guide who flew us into a remote fishing camp, and we sat the day there, catching enormous sea creatures (ok, salmon) cooked them on an open fire, and talked. Our guide said: “Look around. What do you see?” I said: “Beauty everywhere. Infinite beauty.” He nodded and said, “You Americans are always in such a hurry. You never take the time to stop, and to really see.”

Our hope for the weekend is that we can take a moment to stop, and to really see…what paths we have already travelled, and the many we have still ahead. I know one thing we will find is that the earth is, indeed, crammed with heaven, and it awaits us with its open arms.

Click here to register for the retreat at St. Mary Sewanee’s website.
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By |April 27th, 2013|Friendship, Learning, Mentoring, Relationships|0 Comments

Girlfriends

Girlfriends

I was in Los Angeles last week to do some work, and had dinner with my old friend, Bridget. We’ve known each other for over 20 years, and became quick friends while both of us worked at CNBC. Most recently, Bridget was president of NBC cable network distribution, and had responsibility for several billion dollars in revenue each year. Big job. Bridget also has three kids that range from 7 to 16 years old, and a darling husband, Robert.

She shared that even with the raising of the kids, and all of the work stresses, she has kept her Thursday night book club date with her girlfriends. I thought about how I had let many girlfriends drift away during my heavy work years. It seemed I only had enough bandwidth for work and family. There was no third category of anything in my life.

I asked her how she managed to pull it off. “Habit and priorities,” she said. “It was so important. Now that I’m in this next phase of career, my friends have been tremendous support for me. I don’t know what I’d do without them.”

As working women, we go through many phases of life and career. I fully admit that when I got to the phase of senior management, I didn’t take the time to prioritize female friendships. It was a big mistake. When I became chief operating officer of HGTV, I experienced how solitary a c-suite job is. Not having the love, support, and mutual understanding that only girlfriends can provide was sorely missed. DON’T MAKE THIS MISTAKE. Stay close to your female friends, whatever it takes, as you make your way with life and career.

The good news is to we can learn from our mistakes, if we pay attention! Upon leaving Scripps Networks Interactive two summers ago, I joined a senior women’s organization called Committee of 200. These women have quickly become dear friends and trusted advisors. I’ve travelled the world with them, and we have worked side by side as we’ve mentored young, aspiring business women. Once a month, about 8 of us get on the phone to talk about life and career. We help each other. We celebrate exciting news, like a big new job or a child getting engaged.

Stay close to your girlfriends as you travel the road of life. It pays huge dividends.

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Can you relate?

I am in the middle of writing a book for women in business. I share the good, the exciting, and the sometimes horrible, so these can be lessons as we make our climb up the ladder. I came up for air from my writing to find two prominent women have released books this year.

Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomajor’s book, “My Beloved World,” recounts her life as a young Puerto Rican girl growing up in the Bronx. Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, has written a book/manefesto for women in the workplace called “Lean In.” She argues women need to raise their hands more at work, and not drop out when we’re starting families. We also need to have our husbands carry their share of the load at home with children and chores.

I’ve had the pleasure of wading through Justice Sotamajor’s book. She surprisingly opens herself up to the reader. She shares what growing up as a poor, ethnic little girl meant for her. I could relate to her special love of her grandmother, her feeling of being out of place amongst the blond and beautiful set, and her tough resilience as she made her way. I found myself cheering for her throughout the book. You go girl! And she surely went, all the way to the US Supreme Court.

I haven’t read Ms. Sandberg’s book yet since it’s not officially released, but the NYT and WSJ have posted early reviews. In both of these, it seems the problem is not the content, but her lack of relatability. NYT: “Will more earthbound women, struggling with cash flow and child care, embrace the advice of a Silicon Valley executive whose book acknowledgements include thanks to her wealth adviser and Oprah Winfrey?” (2/22/2013)

I know for fact that Ms. Sandberg has done a lot for women. She has mentored them, and she has gotten them on business boards. She seems to be this fascinating person who has dodged the life most women live. I don’t intend this as a ‘poor pitiful us’ comment, but the fact is we spend much of our lives being told we can not do—play quarterback, rabble rouse, run companies—so many of us greet adulthood a bit hesitant about raising our hands. Then we work, nurture families, do the schlepping, and, as the Carly Simon song says, fix the toaster too! I’m guessing Ms. Sandberg hasn’t fixed any toasters as she’s blazed her trail. Because we have amazing grit and welcome all sorts of new learning, we make our way just fine, and live our lives well.

The content of my book has personal stories, and counsel for women. In this way it’s a hybrid of the two mentioned above. I share tales of trying to balance being a mom with work, which was never easy. Some tough things happened on the job. At one company I watched a work colleague surrender to his alcoholism, with his final act being to kill his wife and them himself. All of the things I will recount helped me to mature, and gave me better tools in managing people. Ultimately, I made my way to the corner office at HGTV. The guidance I will offer strikes me as real and relatable, given the dimensions of our lives. I can only hope that is so. The reader will be the final judge.
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Celebrating 70 years of progress for women in the workplace

 

Today marks the 50th anniversary of the acclaimed book “The Feminine Mystique.” In honor of that, I am reprinting the piece below to remind women that, while we have a long way to still go, we have made some progress — thankfully!

In 1943, an issue of Transportation Magazine was devoted to tips to help male supervisors manage women:

1. Pick young married women. They usually have more of a sense of responsibility than their unmarried sisters, they’re less likely to be flirtatious, they need the work or they wouldn’t be doing it, they still have the pep and interest to work hard and to deal with the public efficiently.

2. When you have to use older women, try to get ones who have worked outside the home at some time in their lives. Older women who have never contacted the public have a hard time adapting themselves and are inclined to be cantankerous and fussy.

3. General experience indicates that “husky” girls-those who are just a little on the heavy side-are more even-tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters.

4. Retain a physician to give each woman you hire a special physical examination-one covering female conditions. This step not only protects the property against the possibilities of lawsuit, but reveals whether the employee-to-be has any female weaknesses which would make her mentally or physically unfit for the job.

5. Give the female employee a definite day-long schedule of duties so they keep busy without bothering to ask for management for instructions every few minutes. Numerous properties say women make excellent workers when they have their jobs cut out for them, but that they lack initiative in finding work themselves.

6. Give every girl an adequate number of rest periods during the day. You have to make some allowance for female psychology. A girl has more confidence and is more efficient if she can keep her hair tidied, apply fresh lipstick and wash her hands several times a day.

7. Get enough size variety in operator’s uniforms so each girl can have a proper fit. This point can’t be stressed too much in keeping women happy.
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By |February 19th, 2013|Advocacy for women, Women in business|1 Comment