Airport regulations regarding what you can carry on a plane have changed so many times I can’t keep track. They’ve made it a little easier with the 3-1-1 rules. Gels and liquids under 3 oz? Check. Are they in a one-quart plastic bag? Check. Do you have just one bag? Check. (Thus, 3-1-1). Have you taken them out of your luggage and placed them separately on the cart? Sometimes. At my tiny home airport of Knoxville, they’re usually pretty homey and I don’t have to worry about such…details. But lately — whew! There must be a new crop of airport police because now there are no loopholes.

Last week I rolled the dice again, not bothering to take my one-quart bag out of my carry-on before putting the suitcase on the cart. As my suitcase went through, I saw the bag review agent lean in at her screen. Everything stopped and she called her supervisor over. People in my security line glared at me, and I couldn’t blame them. The supervisor was a very large man, sweating profusely as he huffed toward me gripping my bag from both ends like it was emitting toxic fumes. “Is this your bag?” he snarled. I knew then my deodorant and toothpaste were toast.

You see, I adhere to all the 3-1-1 rules except for my deodorant and toothpaste. They’re over the 3 oz. limit and I’ve always gotten them through. But I knew this guy meant business, which was when I went into dumb blond mode (a challenge, since I’m a brunette).

“Is there anything in here that’s going to pick me or hurt me??” he asked, fuming now as he zipped open the suitcase. “Oh no, of course not,” I said meekly with a sweet smile. “This bag has to come out of your suitcase to be run through—that’s what the agents were telling you if you’d listened when you approached security!”

This was not going well. He stomped back with my one-quart bag and put it through the cart again. When it exited, he grabbed it and stormed over to me again and unzipped it. “You have two items over 3.0 oz.!” At this point he was apoplectic.

“Well sir,” I chirped through batted lashes, “I didn’t know that roll on deodorants were liquid or gel.” I figured my toothpaste was history, but just maybe I could salvage my deodorant.

The stare down ensued, my sweet smile challenging his ferocious scowl. Finally: “I’m taking the toothpaste. Next time downsize your deodorant. ” Yes! This was a win. But, the truth is, airport games are not that much fun.
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